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score: 0

average: 0

on: Jun 23, 2020
ratings: 0

tags: Flowers
language: en

I heard a story not long ago about a guy who sent flowers to his friend who was opening a new restaurant. When he arrived at the grand opening, he looked for his flowers. Well, when he found them, he saw that he had sent a white wreath that said, “May you rest in peace.” He panicked, of course, and called the florist who said, “Bob, I’m not worried about you because as we speak, there’s a guy being buried who got a dozen roses that said, ‘Good luck in your new location!’” Ah yes…life throws us curve balls when we least expect it! And sometimes, just to stay sane, we need to sit back and laugh!
 
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score: 0

average: 0

on: Jun 6, 2020
ratings: 0

tags: Face Lift
language: en

A 65 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience.. Seeing God
She asked "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 33 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a
Face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.
She even had someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her
Teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as
Well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While
crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had
Another 33 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the
Ambulance?"

(You'll love this)

God replied:
" *I didn't recognize you!!!!!"*
 
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score: 0

average: 0

on: May 8, 2020
ratings: 0

tags: Black Wolf
language: en


#The dog was told:

You will guard the homes of humans.
you will be the best human friend
You will eat left over from you.
And I will give you thirty years of life ...

The dog said:
Thirty many years,
I want (only fifteen ..)
. He had what he wanted

********************************

The monkey was told:

You will swing from twigs to twigs,
You do the trick to make others laugh,
You will live a twenty-year life.
The monkeys said:
Twenty many years,
I want (only ten years ..)
. He had what he wanted.

************************

It was said to the donkey:

You will work without grumbling at sunrise to sunset
On your back you will carry heavy loads,
And you will eat barley,
You will not enjoy any intelligence,

Live a fifty-years-old life ...

The donkey said:
I will be a donkey,
But fifty years old is too much,
I want (only twenty years ...)
. He had what he wanted

********************

It was said to the human being:

You are the (smartest) creature on earth
And you will use your wits to make you a master of all other creatures,

Live a beautiful life of the Earth's architecture
You will live a twenty-year life!

The man said:

I would be a human being for only twenty years! ?
This is very little !!

I want (thirty years) that don’t want donkeys,

And (fifteen years) that the dog did not want,

And (ten years) that the monkeys did not want ...

And he had what he wanted!

**********************

* Since that time

And man lives (twenty years as a human being ...)
Until he gets married

Then
He lives (thirty years like a donkey ..)

He works and works from the rise of the sun to sunset
And weights it on its back

********

And then ..
. And when the children grow up
He lives (fifteen years as a dog ...)
. He guards the house
He closes the doors and the electricity
He eats the least food or leftovers left by his children.

*******

Then ..
When he gets old and retires
(He lives ten years as a monkey ...)

Moves from home to home
From one son to another or from one girl to another
Tricks work and tell stories to laugh his grandchildren and granddaughters !!
 
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score: 9.30162

average: 10.0

on: Apr 22, 2020
ratings: 1

tags: 5 wifes
language: en

5 year old son.....after reading story of a king.....

Son:......Mom, I also want 5 wifes.....one will cook, one will sing, one will bathe me.......

Mom:....And one will put you to sleep

Son:..No mom, i will still sleep with you

Mom's eyes filled up with tears ... God bless you son

Mom:...but who will sleep with your 5 wifes

Son...Let them sleep with daddy...
Daddy's eyes filled up with tears... God bless you son !
😆😝😜
 
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score: 0

average: 0

on: Apr 14, 2020
ratings: 0

language: en

So, it was on April 10, 2019, and it was one year ago that it was officially Period 6, and the other classes are going early, and my close friends telling that my ex boyfriend is gay, because my close friends are still having a rumor, and I throwed up that day.
 
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score: 8.19784

average: 1.0

on: Mar 20, 2020
ratings: 1

language: en

According to Chinese health ministry circulation even farting can carry the virus !!! Totally confused where to put the mask now !!!
 
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score: 9.48946

average: 10.0

on: Nov 29, 2019
ratings: 5

language: en

रात में एक चोर घर में घुसा..। 
कमरे का दरवाजा खोला तो बरामदे पर एक बूढ़ी औरत सो रही थी।
खटपट से उसकी आंख खुल गई। चोर ने घबरा कर देखातो वह लेटे लेटे बोली....
 ‘‘ बेटा, तुम देखने से किसी अच्छे घर के लगते हो, लगता है किसी परेशानी से मजबूर होकर इस रास्ते पर लग गए हो। चलो ....कोई बात नहीं।
अलमारी के तीसरे बक्से में एक तिजोरीहै । इसमें का सारा माल तुम चुपचाप ले जाना।
मगर
पहले मेरे पास आकर बैठो, मैंने अभी-अभी एक ख्वाबदेखा है । वह सुनकर जरा मुझे इसका मतलब तो बतादो।"
चोर उस बूढ़ी औरत की रहमदिली से बड़ा अभिभूत हुआ और चुपचाप उसके पास जाकर बैठ गया।
बुढ़िया ने अपना सपना सुनाना शुरु किया...
 ‘‘बेटा, मैंने देखा कि मैं एक रेगिस्तान में खो गइ हूँ। ऐसे में एक चील मेरे पास आई और उसने 3 बार जोर जोरसे बोला पंकज!  पंक़ज!  पंकज!!!
बस फिर ख्वाब खत्म हो गया और मेरी आंख खुल गई। ..जरा बताओ तो इसका क्या मतलब हुई? ‘‘
चोर सोच में पड़ गया।
इतने में बराबर वाले कमरे सेबुढ़िया का नौजवान बेटा पंकज अपना नामज़ोर ज़ोर से सुनकर उठ गया और अंदर आकर चोर कीजमकर धुनाई कर दी।
 बुढ़िया बोली ‘‘बस करो अबयह अपने किए की सजा भुगत चुका।"
 चोर बोला, "नहीं- नहीं ! मुझे और कूटो , सालों!....
ताकि मुझे आगे याद रहे कि...... मैं चोर हूँ , सपनों का सौदागर नहीं। 
 
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score: 9.30162

average: 10.0

on: Nov 18, 2019
ratings: 1

language: en

Job Interview.

OFFICER:- What is your name?

Manoj:- M.P. sir

OFFICER:- In full, please

Manoj:- Manoj Pandey

OFFICER:- Your father's name?

Manoj:- M.P. sir

OFFICER:- What does that mean?

Manoj:- Madan Pandey

OFFICER:- Your native place?

Manoj: M.P. sir

OFFICER:- What's that?

*Manoj:- Madhya Pradesh

OFFICER:- What is your qualification?

Manoj:- M.P.

OFFICER:- (angry) What is that?!!!

Manoj:- Matric Pass

OFFICER:- So why do you need a job?

Manoj:- It is because of M.P. sir

OFFICER: Meaning?

Manoj:- Money Problem

OFFICER:- Would you explain yourself and stop wasting my time? What's your personality like?

Manoj: MP sir.

OFFICER: And what is that?

Manoj:- Marvelous Personality

OFFICER:- I see... I will get back to you.

Manoj:- Sir, how was M.P. sir?

OFFICER:- And what's that again?

Manoj:- My Performance.

OFFICER:- I think you have M.P.

Manoj:- Meaning?

OFFICER:- Mental Problem!!!
 
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score: 0

average: 0

on: Nov 5, 2019
ratings: 0

language: en

EXTRAORDINARY "SIXTH SENSE "

The blind man in a Hotel...

Manager - Menu Sir ??

Man - I'm blind, just bring me your kitchen spoon, I'll smell it & order.

The manager got a spoon
The blind man smelt & said "Yes, I'll have garlic bread with seasoned potatoes...

"Unbelievable," said the manager...

Every week he came & was correct each time.

Once the manager wanted to trick him, He went to the kitchen and told his wife
Maria "Rub this spoon on your lips". She rubs it on her lips and gives it to her hubby...

The blind man smelt & said,
"Oh ! My God......!!
My classmate Maria also works here!!

Manager fainted !!!
😝😝😝😝😝😝😜
😘😘😘😘😘😘😜
School and College memories linger for a long, long time!
Don't laugh alone pass it on !!!
 
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score: 0

average: 0

on: Oct 5, 2019
ratings: 0

language: en

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal.. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"

She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breast, 24" waist and 34" hips. When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh My God."
 
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score: 9.30162

average: 10.0

on: Sep 27, 2019
ratings: 1

language: en

An Australian man was having a coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him.
The Australian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless started up a conversation.
The American snapped his gum and said, ‘You Australian folk eat the whole bread?’

The Australian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, ‘of course.’
The American blew a huge bubble. ‘We don’t. In the States, we only eat what’s inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle them, transform them into croissants and sell them to Australia .’
The American had a smirk on his face. The Australian listened in silence.
The American persisted, ‘D’ya eat jam with your bread?’

Sighing, the Australian replied, ‘of course.’

Cracking his gum between his teeth, the American said, ‘We don’t. In the States, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds and the leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell it to Australia.’

The Australian then asked, ‘Do you have sex in the States?’

The American smiled and said ‘Why of course we do.’

The Australian leaned closer to him and asked, ‘And what do you do with the condoms once you’ve used them?’

‘We throw them away, of course!’

Now it was the Australians turn to smile.

‘We don’t. In Australia , we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to the United States. Why do you think it’s called Wrigley’s?’
 
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score: 9.30162

average: 10.0

on: Sep 24, 2019
ratings: 2

language: en

HOW TO INSTALL HUSBAND :

A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy :-

Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance. This is particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0!

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled another
valuable program, Romance 9.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1

What can I do?
Rgds
Xxxx

Reply :

Dear Madam,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command- i thought loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2 , then only it will automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 , Beer 6.1 or Whisky 6.8

Also DO NOT disturb the original package of Husband 1.0 Otherwise new virus Girlfriend 2.5 will automatically be downloaded into your system.
So please be careful!

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program.
These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0

We recommend: Cooking 3.0

Good Luck Madam !
 
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score: 8.8317

average: 7.5

on: Aug 31, 2019
ratings: 3

tags: Home work
language: en

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now, what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
 
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score: 9.37792

average: 10.0

on: Aug 17, 2019
ratings: 3

tags: POLICEMAN
language: en

A drunkard walking on the street, is approached by the police at 3:00 AM.
The policeman asks: Where are you going at this hour?
The drunkard answers:
I am going to attend a conference on alcohol abuse and
The lethal effects on the body,
The bad example it creates on children,
The harmful consequences for the family,
The problem it causes to the family economy,
... in addition to being an absolute irresponsibility
Surprised policeman says: Really? Who will give this lecture at this time of night?
My wife ... as soon as I get home‼
 
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score: 9.30162

average: 10.0

on: Aug 17, 2019
ratings: 2

tags: salary
language: en

LAUGH OF THE DAY
Madam: Give me 3 reasons why I need to increase your salary?
Maid: I can cook better then you.
Madam: Who told you that?
Maid: Your husband told me.
Madam: Okay. Second reason?
Maid: I can iron better then you.
Madam: Who told you that?
Maid: Your husband told me.
Madam: Okay. Third reason?
Maid: I am also better in bed then you.
Madam (furious and read to break her hand): Did my husband say that?
Maid: No, the driver told me so.
Ha.......... Ha...........
 
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score: 9.30162

average: 10.0

on: Jul 22, 2019
ratings: 1

tags: Bathroom
language: en

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying
to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

'Michael, if you were on a date having
dinner with a nice young lady,
how would you tell her that you have to go to
the bathroom?'

Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go
pee.'

The teacher responded by saying: 'That
would be rude and impolite..


What about you Sherman, how would you say
it?'
Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really
need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.'

'That's better, but it's still not
very nice to say the word bathroom
at the dinner table.


And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain
for once and show us your good manners?'

Johnny said 'I would say: Darling, may I
please be excused for a
moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear
friend of mine, whom I
hope to introduce you to after dinner.'

The teacher
fainted..... .....!!!! !!!
 
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score: 0

average: 0

on: Jul 19, 2019
ratings: 0

tags: ?...
language: en

एक आदमी स्कूटर पर बैठ कर
पिक्चर हाल के सामने सरदार से
पूछ बैठा :-
आदमी :- भाईसाहब , स्कूटर
स्टैंड कहाँ है ?

सरदार :- भाईसाब , पहले आप
अपना नाम बताइये ?

आदमी :- रमेश !

सरदार :- आपके
माता पिता क्या करते हैं ?

आदमी :- क्यों ? वैसे
भाईसाब मैं , लेट
हो जाऊंगा और पिक्चर शुरू
हो जाएगी !

सरदार :- तो जल्दी बताओ ??

आदमी :- मेरी माँ , एक
डॉक्टर हैं और मेरे
पिता जी इंजीनियर हैं ! अब
बता दीजिये ?

सरदार :- आपके नाम कोई
जमीन जायजाद है ?

आदमी :- हाँ , गांव में एक खेत
मेरे नाम है ? प्लीज़ भाईसाब
अब बता दीजिये स्कूटर
का स्टैंड कहाँ है ?

सरदार :- आखिरी सवाल , तुम
पढ़े लिखे हो ?

आदमी :- जी हाँ ! मैं, MBA
कर रहा हूँ ! अब बताइये
जल्दी से !

सरदार :- भाईसाब , देखिये
आपकी पारिवारिक
पृष्ठभूमि इतनी अच्छी है ,
आपके
माता पिता दोनों उच्च
शिक्षित हैं , आप खुद भी इतने
पढ़े लिखे हैं ,
पर मुझे अफ़सोस है
कि आप इतनी सी बात
नहीं जानते कि....

स्कूटर
का स्टैंड उसके नीचे
लगा होता है ,.....
😡😂😂😂
 
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score: 0

average: 0

on: Jul 13, 2019
ratings: 0

language: en

😄This one is ultimate

*A foreigner came to Kashi.*
*Visited Viswanath's temple and all the ghats.*
*Then he bought aVIBHUTI packet from a boy selling on the street.*
*Foreigner then asked, "what is its expiry date?"*
*Boy replied looking surprised: "Its made from expired people and when you apply on your forehead it increases your expiry date."*👍😄😄
🙏incredible india🙏🏻
(◔ ‿◔) INCREDIBLE INDIA (◔ ‿◔)
 
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score: 9.62422

average: 10.0

on: Jun 30, 2019
ratings: 9

language: en

°°Search for Husband /Wife°° 😜

A store that sells “New Husbands” has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.

There are six floors and the value of the products increases as the shopper ascends the floors..

A woman goes to find a husband.

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

She continues to the second floor..

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs ...n love kids..

she continues upward...

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking..

'Wow,' she thinks, but She goes to the fourth floor..

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Good Looking and Help with Housework.

She exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor...

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are very handsome, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic nature..

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor number 31,456,012 to this floor...

There are no men on this floor. This floor exists only as proof that women are impossible to please!!!
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store..😜😝

(scroll and keep reading!)

Now The store's owner opened a “New Wives Store” just across the street..

The 1st Floor has wives that listen to men..
 
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score: 9.30162

average: 10.0

on: Jun 2, 2019
ratings: 1

language: en

I n a courtroom sat a husband , whom brought his wife for moral support :)





the judge was giving sentence , and said ..



for every peach and pear that was in those cans you will spend a day in jail son .



There was a total of 16 peaches and 9 pears , thus , 25 days in jail





It was then, and only then did the wife speak up to add--- " Sir , he stole a can of peas too"
 
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