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on: Mar 20, 2020
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language: en

According to Chinese health ministry circulation even farting can carry the virus !!! Totally confused where to put the mask now !!!
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on: Nov 29, 2019
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language: en

रात में एक चोर घर में घुसा..। 
कमरे का दरवाजा खोला तो बरामदे पर एक बूढ़ी औरत सो रही थी।
खटपट से उसकी आंख खुल गई। चोर ने घबरा कर देखातो वह लेटे लेटे बोली....
 ‘‘ बेटा, तुम देखने से किसी अच्छे घर के लगते हो, लगता है किसी परेशानी से मजबूर होकर इस रास्ते पर लग गए हो। चलो ....कोई बात नहीं।
अलमारी के तीसरे बक्से में एक तिजोरीहै । इसमें का सारा माल तुम चुपचाप ले जाना।
पहले मेरे पास आकर बैठो, मैंने अभी-अभी एक ख्वाबदेखा है । वह सुनकर जरा मुझे इसका मतलब तो बतादो।"
चोर उस बूढ़ी औरत की रहमदिली से बड़ा अभिभूत हुआ और चुपचाप उसके पास जाकर बैठ गया।
बुढ़िया ने अपना सपना सुनाना शुरु किया...
 ‘‘बेटा, मैंने देखा कि मैं एक रेगिस्तान में खो गइ हूँ। ऐसे में एक चील मेरे पास आई और उसने 3 बार जोर जोरसे बोला पंकज!  पंक़ज!  पंकज!!!
बस फिर ख्वाब खत्म हो गया और मेरी आंख खुल गई। ..जरा बताओ तो इसका क्या मतलब हुई? ‘‘
चोर सोच में पड़ गया।
इतने में बराबर वाले कमरे सेबुढ़िया का नौजवान बेटा पंकज अपना नामज़ोर ज़ोर से सुनकर उठ गया और अंदर आकर चोर कीजमकर धुनाई कर दी।
 बुढ़िया बोली ‘‘बस करो अबयह अपने किए की सजा भुगत चुका।"
 चोर बोला, "नहीं- नहीं ! मुझे और कूटो , सालों!....
ताकि मुझे आगे याद रहे कि...... मैं चोर हूँ , सपनों का सौदागर नहीं। 
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score: 9.30162

average: 10.0

on: Nov 18, 2019
ratings: 1

language: en

Job Interview.

OFFICER:- What is your name?

Manoj:- M.P. sir

OFFICER:- In full, please

Manoj:- Manoj Pandey

OFFICER:- Your father's name?

Manoj:- M.P. sir

OFFICER:- What does that mean?

Manoj:- Madan Pandey

OFFICER:- Your native place?

Manoj: M.P. sir

OFFICER:- What's that?

*Manoj:- Madhya Pradesh

OFFICER:- What is your qualification?

Manoj:- M.P.

OFFICER:- (angry) What is that?!!!

Manoj:- Matric Pass

OFFICER:- So why do you need a job?

Manoj:- It is because of M.P. sir

OFFICER: Meaning?

Manoj:- Money Problem

OFFICER:- Would you explain yourself and stop wasting my time? What's your personality like?

Manoj: MP sir.

OFFICER: And what is that?

Manoj:- Marvelous Personality

OFFICER:- I see... I will get back to you.

Manoj:- Sir, how was M.P. sir?

OFFICER:- And what's that again?

Manoj:- My Performance.

OFFICER:- I think you have M.P.

Manoj:- Meaning?

OFFICER:- Mental Problem!!!
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on: Nov 5, 2019
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language: en


The blind man in a Hotel...

Manager - Menu Sir ??

Man - I'm blind, just bring me your kitchen spoon, I'll smell it & order.

The manager got a spoon
The blind man smelt & said "Yes, I'll have garlic bread with seasoned potatoes...

"Unbelievable," said the manager...

Every week he came & was correct each time.

Once the manager wanted to trick him, He went to the kitchen and told his wife
Maria "Rub this spoon on your lips". She rubs it on her lips and gives it to her hubby...

The blind man smelt & said,
"Oh ! My God......!!
My classmate Maria also works here!!

Manager fainted !!!
School and College memories linger for a long, long time!
Don't laugh alone pass it on !!!
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on: Oct 5, 2019
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language: en

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal.. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"

She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breast, 24" waist and 34" hips. When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh My God."
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score: 9.30162

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on: Sep 27, 2019
ratings: 1

language: en

An Australian man was having a coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him.
The Australian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless started up a conversation.
The American snapped his gum and said, ‘You Australian folk eat the whole bread?’

The Australian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, ‘of course.’
The American blew a huge bubble. ‘We don’t. In the States, we only eat what’s inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle them, transform them into croissants and sell them to Australia .’
The American had a smirk on his face. The Australian listened in silence.
The American persisted, ‘D’ya eat jam with your bread?’

Sighing, the Australian replied, ‘of course.’

Cracking his gum between his teeth, the American said, ‘We don’t. In the States, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds and the leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell it to Australia.’

The Australian then asked, ‘Do you have sex in the States?’

The American smiled and said ‘Why of course we do.’

The Australian leaned closer to him and asked, ‘And what do you do with the condoms once you’ve used them?’

‘We throw them away, of course!’

Now it was the Australians turn to smile.

‘We don’t. In Australia , we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to the United States. Why do you think it’s called Wrigley’s?’
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score: 9.30162

average: 10.0

on: Sep 24, 2019
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language: en


A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy :-

Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance. This is particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0!

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled another
valuable program, Romance 9.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1

What can I do?

Reply :

Dear Madam,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command- i thought loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2 , then only it will automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 , Beer 6.1 or Whisky 6.8

Also DO NOT disturb the original package of Husband 1.0 Otherwise new virus Girlfriend 2.5 will automatically be downloaded into your system.
So please be careful!

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program.
These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0

We recommend: Cooking 3.0

Good Luck Madam !
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score: 8.8317

average: 7.5

on: Aug 31, 2019
ratings: 3

tags: Home work
language: en

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now, what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
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score: 9.37792

average: 10.0

on: Aug 17, 2019
ratings: 3

language: en

A drunkard walking on the street, is approached by the police at 3:00 AM.
The policeman asks: Where are you going at this hour?
The drunkard answers:
I am going to attend a conference on alcohol abuse and
The lethal effects on the body,
The bad example it creates on children,
The harmful consequences for the family,
The problem it causes to the family economy,
... in addition to being an absolute irresponsibility
Surprised policeman says: Really? Who will give this lecture at this time of night?
My wife ... as soon as I get home‼
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score: 9.30162

average: 10.0

on: Aug 17, 2019
ratings: 2

tags: salary
language: en

Madam: Give me 3 reasons why I need to increase your salary?
Maid: I can cook better then you.
Madam: Who told you that?
Maid: Your husband told me.
Madam: Okay. Second reason?
Maid: I can iron better then you.
Madam: Who told you that?
Maid: Your husband told me.
Madam: Okay. Third reason?
Maid: I am also better in bed then you.
Madam (furious and read to break her hand): Did my husband say that?
Maid: No, the driver told me so.
Ha.......... Ha...........
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score: 9.30162

average: 10.0

on: Jul 22, 2019
ratings: 1

tags: Bathroom
language: en

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying
to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

'Michael, if you were on a date having
dinner with a nice young lady,
how would you tell her that you have to go to
the bathroom?'

Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go

The teacher responded by saying: 'That
would be rude and impolite..

What about you Sherman, how would you say
Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really
need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.'

'That's better, but it's still not
very nice to say the word bathroom
at the dinner table.

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain
for once and show us your good manners?'

Johnny said 'I would say: Darling, may I
please be excused for a
moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear
friend of mine, whom I
hope to introduce you to after dinner.'

The teacher
fainted..... .....!!!! !!!
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on: Jul 19, 2019
ratings: 0

tags: ?...
language: en

एक आदमी स्कूटर पर बैठ कर
पिक्चर हाल के सामने सरदार से
पूछ बैठा :-
आदमी :- भाईसाहब , स्कूटर
स्टैंड कहाँ है ?

सरदार :- भाईसाब , पहले आप
अपना नाम बताइये ?

आदमी :- रमेश !

सरदार :- आपके
माता पिता क्या करते हैं ?

आदमी :- क्यों ? वैसे
भाईसाब मैं , लेट
हो जाऊंगा और पिक्चर शुरू
हो जाएगी !

सरदार :- तो जल्दी बताओ ??

आदमी :- मेरी माँ , एक
डॉक्टर हैं और मेरे
पिता जी इंजीनियर हैं ! अब
बता दीजिये ?

सरदार :- आपके नाम कोई
जमीन जायजाद है ?

आदमी :- हाँ , गांव में एक खेत
मेरे नाम है ? प्लीज़ भाईसाब
अब बता दीजिये स्कूटर
का स्टैंड कहाँ है ?

सरदार :- आखिरी सवाल , तुम
पढ़े लिखे हो ?

आदमी :- जी हाँ ! मैं, MBA
कर रहा हूँ ! अब बताइये
जल्दी से !

सरदार :- भाईसाब , देखिये
आपकी पारिवारिक
पृष्ठभूमि इतनी अच्छी है ,
माता पिता दोनों उच्च
शिक्षित हैं , आप खुद भी इतने
पढ़े लिखे हैं ,
पर मुझे अफ़सोस है
कि आप इतनी सी बात
नहीं जानते कि....

का स्टैंड उसके नीचे
लगा होता है ,.....
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on: Jul 13, 2019
ratings: 0

language: en

😄This one is ultimate

*A foreigner came to Kashi.*
*Visited Viswanath's temple and all the ghats.*
*Then he bought aVIBHUTI packet from a boy selling on the street.*
*Foreigner then asked, "what is its expiry date?"*
*Boy replied looking surprised: "Its made from expired people and when you apply on your forehead it increases your expiry date."*👍😄😄
🙏incredible india🙏🏻
(◔ ‿◔) INCREDIBLE INDIA (◔ ‿◔)
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score: 9.62422

average: 10.0

on: Jun 30, 2019
ratings: 9

language: en

°°Search for Husband /Wife°° 😜

A store that sells “New Husbands” has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.

There are six floors and the value of the products increases as the shopper ascends the floors..

A woman goes to find a husband.

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

She continues to the second floor..

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs ...n love kids..

she continues upward...

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking..

'Wow,' she thinks, but She goes to the fourth floor..

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Good Looking and Help with Housework.

She exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor...

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are very handsome, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic nature..

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor number 31,456,012 to this floor...

There are no men on this floor. This floor exists only as proof that women are impossible to please!!!
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store..😜😝

(scroll and keep reading!)

Now The store's owner opened a “New Wives Store” just across the street..

The 1st Floor has wives that listen to men..
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score: 9.30162

average: 10.0

on: Jun 2, 2019
ratings: 1

language: en

I n a courtroom sat a husband , whom brought his wife for moral support :)

the judge was giving sentence , and said ..

for every peach and pear that was in those cans you will spend a day in jail son .

There was a total of 16 peaches and 9 pears , thus , 25 days in jail

It was then, and only then did the wife speak up to add--- " Sir , he stole a can of peas too"
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on: May 18, 2019
ratings: 0

tags: Marriage
language: en

A bald man had a real hang-up about his lack of hair. He had tried all types of treatment, but without success. Then one day he passed a barber’s shop with a sign in the window that read: “Bald Men. Your Problems Solved Instantly. You Too Can Have a Head of Hair Like Mine For Rupees Five Hundred .”
And beneath the sign was a photo of the barber with his flowing mane of hair. So the bald man went into the shop and asked the bartender, “Can you guarantee that for ₹500 my hair will instantly look like yours?”
“Certainly,” said the barber. “It will take no more than a few seconds for us to look exactly alike.”
“Okay then,” said the bald man, handing over the money. “Let’s go for it.”
The barber took the money and shaved his own hair off.

Daughter: " I don't like the boy you found for me... his teeth are not in order and he looks ugly when he smiles."
Mother: "Don't worry about that. He will not be smiling after he marries you."
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score: 9.43918

average: 10.0

on: May 3, 2019
ratings: 4

tags: Kash
language: en

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.
The store clerk called 000 when they saw him collapse to the floor.
The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital.
A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms, and a pen.
She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment. "Do you have health insurance?" she asked.
He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."
The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"
He replied, "No money in the bank."
Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the irritated nun.
He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun."
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters!
Nuns are married to God."
The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law."
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score: 9.43918

average: 10.0

on: Jan 13, 2019
ratings: 4

tags: Kash
language: en

This is from an actual trial...
A young woman who was
several months pregnant was sitting in a bus.
When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition.
She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.
She moved again and then onseeing him laughing more.
She filed a court case on him.
In the court the man's defence was:-
When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant.
She sat under an advertisement, which read
"Coming Soon-
The unknown Boon"..
I was even more amused when she then sat under a shaving advertisement, which read:-
"William's stick did the trick"..
Then I could not control myself
any longer, when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read:-
"Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident"..
The case was dismissed.
The Judge fell off his chair laughing...!
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on: Dec 16, 2018
ratings: 0

language: en

Like our youtube videos or facebook, get more off & coins. Such as OSRS gold, RuneScape gold and more, please go to: https://www.rsgoldfast.com/

You might not see your enemy if you do not alter the color configuration when playing in the dark. If you turn the brightness up, you may lose some of the game's feel; however, you will be able to see better. This will allow you to separate colors and shadows, and make finding those elusive enemies much easier.Play Maplestory M Mesos you enjoy with your kids. A majority of kids enjoy all types of Maplestory M Mesos and there is much to learn from them.

There are many education-related games and titles that focus on hand-eye coordination.Game store employees are a great resource when it comes to learning about new games. Many of them are gamers too, and will be able to enlighten you about certain games. Store clerks usually know a lot about games and can help you make a decision.If you have young children, disable the chat function in games they play.

Children under the age of ten don't really need to chat. If the game does not afford you the option of disabling chat, do not purchase it. Verify this by asking the salesperson or by searching online.You may want to implement safety settings when setting up your home console. There are usually settings that can stop younger audiences from viewing inappropriate content. Every person who plays can have a separate profile with its own individual content limitations.

Don't play Maplestory M Mesos for more than a few hours each day. You can become addicted to gaming, so keep an eye on your gaming habits. Limit game sessions. Have only one session per day and limit that session to three hours at the most. If you do play for longer, be sure to take regular breaks.Maplestory M Mesos can be used to get fit. Technology that uses motion sensing has gone viral through the gaming industry. https://whybytes.com/runescape-review/1821/

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score: 9.43918

average: 10.0

on: Oct 28, 2018
ratings: 4

tags: KP's
language: en

An 80-year old man goes to the doctor for a check-up.

The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks,
"How do you stay in such great physical condition?"

"I'm a golfer," says the old guy, "and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways."

"Well," says the doctor, "I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your dad when he died?"

"Who said my dad's dead?"

The doctor is amazed. "You mean you're 80 years
old and your dad's still alive. How old is he?"

"He's 103 years old," says the old golfer.
"In fact he golfed with me this morning, and that's
why he's still alive. he's a golfer too!!"

"Well," the doctor says, "that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your dad's dad? How old was he when he died?"

"Who said my grandpa's dead?"

Stunned, the doctor asks, "You mean you're 80
years old and your grandfather is still living.!?
Incredible, how old is he?"

"He's 128 years old," says the old golfer .

The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, "So,
I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?"

"No.. Grandpa couldn't go this morning because
he's getting married today.."
At this point the doctor is close to losing it,
"Getting married.! Why would a 128 year-old guy want to get married in the first place?"

"Who said he wanted to?
The bride is pregnant...that is why !!!!!"
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